Sunday, December 09, 2018

PIGSKIN 2018: Week Fourteen

Week Fourteen

Week Eleven
Thanksgiving Day
Week Twelve
Week Thirteen

Week Thirteen Record:  6-7-1
Overall Record:  74-90-6
Schmear of the Week:  6-7
Bagels in the Basket:  -27

1st and Ten:
  • Rams first team to clinch a playoff berth.
  • Dallas gets them some Glory Hole!
  • Raiders and Niners are neck and neck in the race for next year's first overall draft pick.

2nd and Long:
  • If your favorite team has a 6-6 record, they suck they're in contention for a Wild Card spot!
  • Hang in there, Miami.
  • Defending champs, Eagles are suddenly winners of two in a row; desperate for victory over Cowboys.
  • Pittsburgh should be worried, doth say the Ravens.
  • Here come the Seahawks!

No Gain:
  • Giants 3-1 record since the bye week has fans up in arms.
  • Matt Patricia's first season at Detroit.
  • Grounded!  Jets linebacker Darron Lee suspended four games for violating substance abuse policy.
  • I've been calling the Chargers a paper tiger this season.  Needless to say last week's scars are still healing.

  • It's not easy being Green: Mike McCarthy fired!  Aaron Rogers conspiracy theories running wild.
  • It's not easy being Gang Green: The masses are calling for the firing of Todd Bowles. 
  • Atlanta Falcons season.

Saturday Line ~ NYP

BILLS -3 1/2 (Jets)
Welcome back, Sam I am.  Hope you like ice cold eggs with your ham.  California Dreamer returns to the field where the game-time temperature at Buffalo should be below f-f-freezing.  If Isaiah Crowell rushes the way he did last week against the Titans, the Jets would be on to something.  No one mentions the injury to Bilal Powell much, but they really miss him.  Sam Darnold did not play in Week Eleven when the Jets were stampeded the Bills.  The rest of Gang Green should have revenge on their minds, not just for their own self-respect, but to make up for their collective failures under (sure to be fired) head coach Todd Bowles.  The Jets six game losing streak should end here.  But it's not. 
ICYMI: Jets Failed Todd Bowles, Not Other Way Around
Loss; 27-23 Jets

Giants -3 (D.C. HOGS)
Eli Manning vs. Marc Sanchez; Evan Engram vs. Jordan Reed; Saquon Barkley vs. Adrian Peterson.  Odell Beckham is out, but Eli still has Sterling Shepard.  Hogs have inferior receivers.  Hogs defense was arguably already better than that of the Giants, now Landon Collins is out for the season.  Giants will still outscore D.C., and to the dismay of fans continue ruining next year's draft standing.
WIN; 40-16 Giants

Ravens +6 (CHIEFS)
D - FENCE..!
WIN; 27-24 Chiefs

TEXANS -4 1/2 (Colts)
See Ravens ...
Loss; 24-21 Colts

Panthers -1 1/2 (BROWNS)
Woe, Panthers, what have you done?  The only thing saving you is league wide parity.  Their four-game losing streak is on the line.  If they're going to turn themselves around, it starts at Cleveland, right?  How can you not lay the points in this game?
Loss; 26-20 Browns

PACKERS -5 (Falcons)
The Gratitude Bowl: The post Mike McCarthy era begins in Green Bay.  Aaron Rogers wants to prove to everyone that his former play caller - the man whom effectively kicked Brett Favre out the door in order to get Rogers on the field - sucks.  It just so happens he'll be facing a terrible Falcons defense.
WIN; 34-20 Packers

Saints -9 1/2 (BUCS)
There's every chance this becomes a repeat of Week One, but I doubt it.  The Saints offense to everyone's surprise got hogtied last week by a highly aggressive Cowboys defense.  Drew Brees and company face no such threat this week against tame Tampa Bay.
WIN; 28-14 Saints

Patriots -7 1/2 (DOLPHINS)
Just like you, I hear all the scuttlebutt about Tom Brady's lack of success at Sea World.  The experts paint him out to be some polar bear trolling South Beach.  The Patriots are undefeated at home, but 3-3 on the road.  Incidentally, the Sea Mammals are 5-1 at home.  Both teams have winning records against the spread.  Oh, what's a degenerate gambler to do?
Loss; 34-33 Dolphins

Rams -3 (BEARS)
That Rams offense sure is good.  That Bears defense sure is good.  Vegas is saying that if the Rams were at home, they'd be laying six.  The Rams defense can impact the Bears offense.  Lay the points.
Loss; 15-6 Bears

Broncos -3 1/2 (49ERS)
Look who wants to contend ...  Broncos are winners of three in a row; two of those wins were against the Chargers and Steelers.  See Texans and Ravens; defense wins this time of year.
Loss; 20-14 Niners

CHARGERS -14 (Bengals)
See Broncos, Texans, Ravens.  Bengals are a complete mess.  The Bolts are electrified after last week's victory over the Steelers.  The Bengals are a complete mess.  The Bengals are a complete mess.
Loss; 26-21 Chargers

CARDINALS -2 1/2 (Lions)
Flip a coin; both teams are 6-6 against the spread; that's why they call it gambling.  Heads, rookie quarterback Josh Rosen takes another step forward; tails, Matt Patricia and the Lions lose their ninth game of the season.
Loss; 17-3 Lions

COWBOYS -3 (Eagles)
Welcome to Jerry's World: whether by accident or intelligent design, Dallas seems to have conjured the winning formula.  They finally get it: less Dak, more Zeke, and good defense.  All they need to do is keep it up.
WIN; 29-23 Cowboys  o.t.

RAIDERS +10 1/2 (Steelers)
Here we go again.  Steelers two most recent losses have come against AFC West teams.  The suddenly bending Steelers are obviously the more desperate team of the two, with far more to gain, and much more to lose.  They will win, I'm sure.  I'm unimpressed by Oakland's 33-points against the Chiefs.  However, the Raiders put up 17-points against the Ravens just one week prior.  That gives me reason to believe the Raiders can cover.  I'm not quite sure who Derek Carr will be throwing to, but he's definitely showcasing himself in anticipation of an off-season trade.
WIN; 24-21 Raiders

Schmear of the Week:
Broncos -3 1/2

Good luck, and have a great Football Sunday, everyone!

Post Game:
Week Fourteen Record:  6-8
Overall Record:  80-98-6
Schmear of the Week:  6-8
Bagels in the Basket:  -32

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