Sunday, December 19, 2010




What happened to my bountiful basket of BAGELS?

In addition to getting the Cleveland Browns wrong every week this year, my latest trend now is to do horribly in the early games and closing the gap with the afternoon games.

SHMEAR of the WEEK = 8-4

* Eagles vs. GIANTS; Battle of the NFC bEAST.
* The Giants can get a huge assist from New England today as they play the Packers without their QB.
* I think things are about to get a lot worse for the Jets.
* It would be sweet if the Ravens could beat the Saints!
* How will the Jets respond with adversity staring them in the face?
** It's going to be stupid, ridiculous cold Monday night in Minnesota for Vikings/Bears.  It's gonna be great!

The WEEK 15 Big BAGEL Roll-Out:
(NYDN Saturday Line)

GIANTS -3 (Eagles)
What doomed the Giants last time they played was 5 NYG turn-overs.  I expect that number to come down.  The running game is rushing with impact.  Eli only needs to do "just enough".
LOSS ~ 38-31 Eagles

STEELERS -6 (Jets)
I fully expect the Jets to lose their third game in a row.  Mark Sanchez is in for a hell of an afternoon.
LOSS ~ 22-17 Jets

Chiefs -1 (RAMS)
I really would like to take the Rams here, but I can't.  The Chiefs are trying to secure their division title.  They'll be up for this and bounce back.
WIN ~ 27-13 Chiefs

Texans +1 1/2 (TITANS)
Did you see the way Houston moved the ball on the Ravens last Monday night?
LOSS ~ 31-17 Titans

COLTS -5 (Jaguars)
Garrett is out for the Jags and Peyton is in for the Colts.  Peyton Manning will make sure the Colts are tied for the division lead by the end of the game.
WIN ~ 34-24 Colts

Cardinals +3 (PANTHERS)
Is there really such a thing as a favorite in this game?  Take the points and hope.
LOSS ~ 19-12 Panthers

Browns +1 1/2 (BENGALS)
You know the routine by now.  I haven't picked a single Browns game correctly all season.  Go the other way!
LOSS ~ 19-17 Bengals

Bills +5 1/2 (DOLPHINS)
I am only looking for the Bills to keep the game closer than 5 1/2.
WIN ~ 17-14 Bills

COWBOYS -7 (Redskins)
Coach Shanahan benched QB Donovan McNabb.  The Redskins are miserable.
LOSS ~ 33-30 Cowboys

BUCS -5 1/2 (Lions)
This game could get very ugly.  If you stay awake until the third quarter, you really love Football.
LOSS ~ 23-20 Lions  O.T.

Saints +2 (RAVENS)
See TEXANS vs. TITANS game.  If Matt Schaub (TEX) can do what he did against the Ravens, Drew Brees should be able to move the ball also.
LOSS ~ 30-24 Ravens

Falcons -6 (SEAHAWKS)
Because there is no reason to doubt the Falcons now.
WIN ~ 34-18 Falcons

RAIDERS -7 (Broncos)
For decades the home team was always favored by three points in this match-up.  The Broncos are horrible.  The Raiders in a romp.
WIN ~ 39-23 Raiders

Patriots -13 (PACKERS)
That's a lot of wood.  Rogers will miss the game for the Packers.  But even a snow storm against a very stingy Chicago defense couldn't slow Tom Brady down.
* Night

That's 14 more BAGELS into the oven.

SHMEAR of the WEEK: (8-4)
*COWBOYS -7 (Redskins)

* GIANTS lose.  What an incredible meltdown.
* Jets beat the Steelers!
* Giants get help ~ Saints Lose; Bucs Lose
* I got the Browns game wrong again!!  Remain perfect.

* The Basket of BAGELS has dwindled down to +3.

N.Y. GIANTS vs Eagles


A Toga Party?

The Boys from DELTA HOUSE are staring expulsion in the face if they don't pass this next test against the Steelers in Pittsburgh; a place where they have never successfully partied before.  Good luck guys, you're gonna need it. Just remember, "It wasn't over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor."

Forget about the fake answers in the dumpster.  That's the Jets' problem in the first place.  Everyone thinks they're a fake now. So instead....,  This Sunday requires a real stupid gesture be done on some-one's part.... And you're just the guys to do it!  Because if the Jets don't get it done Sunday, Dean Wormer is sure to drop the "Big One" on the Jets' season, for sure.

Heading into Week 15 we find the Jets in a nose dive they need to pull-out of faster than BLUTO can down a bottle of Jack Daniel's, before all their playoff and Super Bowl aspirations get taken away in a U-Haul, even including all the games they didn't steal. 

They now have three short weeks or maybe just three hours this Sunday to regain control and their composure so as to correct this free fall they find themselves in.  Dean Wormer is serious this time.

Things couldn't have gone more wrong for the Jets than they have over the last two weeks.  They've lost their last two games by a combined score of 55-9 to the Patriots and the Dolphins.  Their Coaching, the Quarterback, the team's preparedness, their skill level and even this season's earlier successes have all been called into question.  To make matters even worse, the Jets have had to deal with "WALL-GATE" which invariably caused the Jets' professionalism to be called into question as well.

ANIMAL HOUSE opened up for business when they signed on for HARD KNOCKS.  They've been blustery, bodacious, boastful, and quite unapologetic about how they've been perceived since.  All the Green DELTA Frat Brothers blissfully followed the dictates of their brash Delta Leader...;

Coach Rex BLUTARSKY.  This season long TOGA PARTY was his idea.  REX was the first one to yell ALLIGATOR!!!

Well, Double Secret Probation time is over.

The scroll of charges brought against Gang Green's ANIMAL HOUSE for the purposes of revoking their CHARTER reads as follows:

FALSIFICATION of ORIGINAL CHARTER DOCUMENTS ~ Coach Blutarsky originally and continually declared this a "Ground and Pound" Fraternity.  They have been nothing of the kind.  They are running the ball almost 20% less this season that they did last year.  Shonn Greene continues to be under-utilized as the Jets continue to invest false hope in a resurgence from LT.  They have disguised the fact they haven't been Ground and Pound since Leon Washington and Thomas Jones last rushed for them.

ETHICS VIOLATIONS ~ Charged with employing OPERATION GREEN-WALL.  ~  A Strength and Conditioning Coach would take it upon himself to coordinated a little band of Green Sideline Gremlins without the Head Coach's knowledge is a little far fetched.

* FAILURE TO MAINTAIN PERFORMANCE STANDARDS ~  Bad decisions and mental gaffes have sabotaged Coach Blutarsky's Green Bomber Fleet.  *Starting the game by going no-huddle against Bill Belichick showed a complete lack of originality.  Likewise when the Jets employed the WildCat against the Dolphins.  That's not GROUND AND POUND... That's Smoke and Mirror tactics.  *Two times on Special Teams the Jets were caught with too few players on the field; once against N.E. and last week again versus Miami.  *In that game against Miami, the decision to spike the ball on first down came from the sidelines.  *Coach REX's usage of his Challenges have been nothing short of confounding.  *The over-all Offensive Game Plan has been simplistic; the receiving has been substandard and the quarterback has shown every bit of his minimal and still lacking experience.  Coach REX Blutarsky and Coach HOOVER Schottenheimer must be held accountable.

*And the most egregious charge of all ~ CHEESE BURGERS ON THE FIELD!!  Decorum does not permit me to explain further.

If Coach REX doesn't get this Jet Plane flying right again, it will truly have been, "Seven Years of College Down The Drain!"  All that will be missing are the two pencils up his nostrils when Dean Wormer calls him into the office, and the Real Life Media tears him a "new one".

But for his sake, I hope BIG TALK Blutarsky can conjure up something as inappropriate as the EAT ME float and something as equally threatening and frightening as the DEATHMOBILE when they head to The Steel City.

When it's time to "Cut the Cake", will the Jets be able to unleash mayhem and chaos through the streets of downtown Pittsburgh all the way to Heinz Field and ruin everyone wearing Black and Gold's day?  OR, will they be the Beauty who got caught hiding behind the car in her bra and panties when Bluto made his get-away, driving off leaving everything behind him in smoke?

We're going to find out.  This could turn out to be "One of the greatest days of their lives" and have all their fans back home jumping up and yelling, "Oh Boy! This is great!" OR,  the Jets might wind up leaving their fans feeling like the Mayor of Faber felt amidst all the bedlam at the parade when he learned his wife was unfaithful and when he was introduced to the other college punk who molested his fifteen year old daughter and got her pregnant.

That's an awful lot to put on Mark Sanchez' shoulders against the Steelers.  But that's the situation the Jets find themselves in.  Quarterback Kid needs to bail-out his Coach.  This can be a great story if he can pull out a win for Bluto.  But Coach REX and Coach Schottenheimer need to be way better and help out their quarterback also.

It looks like Mark Sanchez and PITT's Troy Polamalu won't have to stare each-other down in a game of chicken to see who blinks first.  Troy may miss the game with a leg injury.  Somehow Coach Schottenheimer HAS to make that work towards his and the Jets' advantage.

The Jets visit the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday.  In my opinion, this game couldn't come at a worse time.  But one of the truest tests in life is how you respond when faced with adversity.  The schedule makers don't care about Gut Check games.  They're about the only one's though.

We're going to see if this Toga Party was worth it.


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