Week Two Record: 6-9
Overall Record: 17-11
Schmear of the Week: 2-0
Bagels in the Basket: +12
1st and 10:
- Last week Philip Rivers threw his 255th career TD pass to become San Diego's all time leader. He passed Dan Fouts, in my opinion one of the greatest QBs ever (...to not win a Super Bowl). In his day, the Chargers offense was dubbed Air Coryell after their head coach. Theirs was one of the most potent offenses I've ever seen, still.
- Last week, Adrian Peterson played his first game in Minnesota since November 2013.
2nd and Long:
- Two weeks/two major injuries - what can possibly go wrong for the Dallas Cowboys this week?
- Would someone please tell me what the St. Louis Rams are up to?
- C'mon, who really thought the Seattle Seahawks would open the season with an 0-2 record?
- As part of pre-season final roster cuts, Giants GM Jerry Reese chose wide receiver Preston Parker over James Jones. Parker was cut after Week Two's pitiful performance against the Falcons. Meanwhile, Jones has 3 TD catches so far playing for Green Bay.
- The Detroit Lions have seemingly lost their Pride.
- The Tennessee Titans allowed 7 sacks during last week's loss to the Cleveland Browns. How shameful! Can quarterbacks sue (Roger Goodell) for such gross lack of protection? Someone get Tom Brady on the line. Oh wait! He smashed his phone... never mind.
- The mystical magical Super Dome no longer offers the New Orleans Saints safe haven. When was the last time they won a home game?
- At some point, some analyst will slip up and include Jay Cutler and the word malingerer in the same sentence.
Friday Line ~ NYDN
D.C. Hogs +3 1/2 (GIANTS) *Thursday Night
Loss; 32-21 Giants
JETS -2 (Eagles)
As was the case with the Giants, an 0-2 record makes the Eagles a dangerous team. However, I really like the Jets defense against the Eagles offense, a lot! Offensively, the Jets are a little banged up, but should manage just enough to defeat Philly. I won't lie, this spread was very inviting.
Loss; 24-17 Eagles
Steelers -1 (RAMS)
Who the hell knows which Rams team is bound to show up - the Week One version or Week Two's? Last week, I told you Big Ben was going to have a big day. This week, Le'Veon Bell is back! Look for the Steelers to maintain their momentum against a confused opponent.
WIN; 12-6 Steelers
Chargers +2 1/2 (VIKINGS)
Because when it comes to the Vikes, I do not learn my lesson. I'm taking the points and jumping on Philip Rivers' back. The Chargers entered the Jungle last week and nearly pulled off an upset. If the Chargers slow down the Vikings running game, they'll leave Minnesota with a victory.
Loss; 34-14 Vikings
TEXANS -6 1/2 (Bucs)
I just can't envision Tampa winning two straight road games. Otherwise, both quarterbacks need to beware Sunday, because I smell sacks. They should treat their respective left tackles to dinner before hand.
WIN; 19-9 Texans
PANTHERS -3 (Saints)
Oh how the Saints problems come marching in... Carolina will only add to them. Last week, the sAints suffered a demoralizing loss to the Bucs at home! This week Drew Brees is nursing a bad shoulder.
WIN; 27-22 Panthers
PATRIOTS -14 (Jaguars)
Lay these points like a porn star! This is nothing new for Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Driving up the score at home is what they do. How many times over recent years have they been double-digit favorites, and covered? The answer is, numerous. The Jaguars are making methodical progress though. They've elevated from terrible, to just very bad.
WIN; 51-17 Patriots
Bengals +2 1/2 (RAVENS)
In Week One, the Ravens lost by six in Denver. Last week, they entered the Black Hole minus the services of Terrell Suggs and lost again. The Ravens are finally home, but it's already getting late awfully early in Baltimore. If you're the Bengals, timing is everything.
WIN; 28-24 Bengals
BROWNS -3 1/2 (Raiders)
I don't know what to tell you other than stay away. This game has flies all over it.
Loss; 27-20 Raiders
Colts -3 (TITANS)
Andrew Luck has been flat out terrible. But at this point, picking the Colts is akin to doubling down at blackjack or sticking with red at the roulette table. Eventually it's gonna pay, right? A little Luck never hurts though.
Loss; 35-33 Colts
Falcons -1 1/2 (COWBOYS)
The Falcons (2-0) can only play the teams on their schedule. They nearly coughed up a 20-3 halftime lead against the Eagles, then benefited from a major NYG brain cramp in Week Two. This week, they get the Cowboys minus Dez Bryant and Tony Romo. This is the kind of stuff division titles are made of.
WIN; 39-28 Falcons
CARDINALS -6 1/2 (49ers)
The Cardinals thus far demolished the Saints and Bears - pedestrian competition. Nonetheless, that's what good teams do. I declared Arizona my pre-season division favorite, and made them my Schmear last week. I'm still soooo high!
WIN; 47-7 Cardinals
SEAHAWKS -15 (Bears)
Seattle is angry, and the Bears are incompetent. I really hate saying that about a John Fox team. His QB on the other hand is another story. Perhaps Jay Cutler circled this game and committed to miraculously getting better Monday morning? Just kidding, right? Anyway, the NFL might want to flex-time this game till after midnight. This is gonna get ugly.
WIN; 26-0 Seahawks
Bills +3 (DOLPHINS)
...because this is life under D-Generation Rex, a constant diet of uppers, downers, highs and lows. This is happy week again. That said, Miami head coach Joe Philbin better have a pencil and paper ready for taking notes, because Rex is going to teach him a lesson in defense. At some point, Rex and Ndamukong Suh will make sleepy eye contact and wander into a pipe dream of one day wreaking havoc upon the NFL together. When they snap out of it, the final score will be 13-0 Bills, or something to that effect.
WIN; 41-14 Bills
Broncos -3 (LIONS)
Speaking of Ndamukong Suh, he took Detroit's backbone with him to South Beach. The Lions are tied for 5th most points allowed? Chicken parm you taste so good....
WIN; 24-12 Broncos
SCHMEAR of the WEEK:
I - Fruits/nuts; chips/dips; cheese/sopresatta/crackers; spinach quiche; prosciutto bread; salads.
II - Chili dogs on potato rolls (..is key), and burgers on French bread with my first batch of pickled green tomatoes (damn they're good!), dangerously loaded french fries, homemade onion rings and my breaded zucchini bites.
What's on your football menu?
Good luck, and have a great Football Sunday everyone!
Week Three Record: 10-4
Overall Record: 27-15
Schmear of the Week: 2-1
Bagels in the Basket: +15