NFL ~ PIGSKIN; WEEK FOUR
Over-all record: 21-19-3
Week Three Record: 7-8-0
Week Two Record: 10-4-1
Week One Record: 4-7-2
SHMEAR of the WEEK: 0-3
BAGELS in the BASKET: -10
OH!...for three on the SHMEAR? C'mon. I gotta make better choices with my Bagels man.
*I went against the Giants and paid for it. Shame on me.
*I continue to let myself get hit over the head by the Cleveland Browns as if I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon or something.
*If someone had told us before the season there would be three undefeated teams left after Week Three and that Buffalo and Detroit would be two of them, we would have accused them of TWI; Thinking While Intoxicated - Or..., PUI; Predicting Under The Influence.
*How did you like my Raiders over Jets pick last week?
Let's do this.
WEEK FOUR ~ The Big Bagel Roll Out:
(Friday's Line; NYDN)
Giants -1 1/2 (CARDINALS)
Even with all the Giants' injuries, they still have enough personnel on the field to win consistently. This is a game about not beating themselves with turnovers or getting cocky over last week. I think the Giants know what's up Sunday.
WIN ~ 31-27; GIANTS - Big Blue caught a Big Break.
RAVENS -3 1/2 (Jets)
What the Jets need is a little more adversity. Baltimore will give it to them. Chicks dig guys with bruises and stitches. Rex gets that. And so will Sanchez again this Sunday. Embrace the pain Mark. There's more on the way. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That's when the Jets will be at their best. But not this week. Not yet. They need to sink lower, before they can pick themselves up again and look like heroes. This must continue to be a road trip from hell first. Next week is N.E.
WIN ~ 34-17; RAVENS - I told you it was going to hurt.
Lions +1 1/2 (COWBOYS)
Vegas thinks that little of Dallas at home? No Romo; No Chance. But I was still going to continue riding the Lions like a mule anyway. The Cowboys will lose another big game in Big Texas. Roar!
WIN ~ 34-30; LIONS - Nothing is finer than a Cowboys or Eagles loss. What a comeback!
Saints -7 (JAGUARS)
Why isn't this spread larger? Is there something I don't know? WHO DAT who thinks it will be that close? The Jags are the second most offensively futile team in Football.
WIN ~ 23-10; SAINTS - The Jags point totals are dreadful this season.
EAGLES -8 1/2 (49ers)
I hate the Eagles. If I thought the 49ers were capable of scoring 19 points this game, I'd pick em. But I don't. If Vick gets knocked out of the game again, everything changes. 49ers are stiff against the run.
LOSS ~ 24-23; 49ERS - See Cowboys game! What a great gain for the Giants. Philly is fumbling and stumbling.
RAMS +2 (Redskins)
Yeah! This is the week Coach Spags and the Rams get their first win by making the Redskins look like another failed stimulus package out of Washington. Coach Spags knows this team too well. He's going to make Coach Shannahan look like a Sleestak by games' end.
LOSS ~ 17-10; REDSKINS - OK, maybe not. But I'm still waiting for Washington to tank.
Titans +1 1/2 (BROWNS)
I'm still dying to take the Browns! I'm salivating like Pavlov's dog.
WIN ~ 31-13; TITANS - I'm so happy I resisted the temptation.
Bills -3 (BENGALS)
The Bills will remain undefeated. The Bengals will continue to disappoint their fans in their own home. But remember what I say about the Bengals; they ruin everything. Watch them do something dumb like score four touchdowns in the air. Stay away from this game.
LOSS ~ 23-20; BENGALS - I keep telling you...the Bengals ruin everything.
Vikings -1 1/2 (CHIEFS)
The Week Four Toilet Bowl is brought to you by the makers of Who Cares. ...Only because Minny's loser; Donovan McNabb; is better than Kansas City's loser; the Invisible Man. Make an appointment with your doctor now for the broken neck you'll suffer trying to stay awake watching this game. Set your alarm clocks too so you don't miss the late game and remind yourselves your still alive.
LOSS ~ 22-17; CHIEFS - I hate having to pick between crappy teams.
BEARS -6 (Panthers)
This is one of those weeks when the Bears show everyone how good they can be, while the Panthers prove how inconsistent they can be. This game is an enigma. In bear speak, this game is a berry. Eat it; they taste good. Lay the points.
LOSS ~ 34-29; BEARS - Didn't miss it by much. Cam Newton is sick!
Steelers +4 (TEXANS)
I am so dying to take the Texans in this one. I really think they are going to jack up the Steelers. But I'm stuck a platform late at night some where waiting for a train that hasn't come yet. When will the Steelers snap out of it? I'll take four points and my chances with that.
LOSS ~ 17-10; TEXANS - Texans should have blown them out. And they did "jack-up" the Steelers. I knew I should have picked them.
Falcons -4 1/2 (SEAHAWKS)
While everyone is wondering when the Falcons will show up, I just hope these two Birds gouge each other's eyes out. The Giants have to play in Seattle next week.
LOSS ~ 30-28; FALCONS - the Atlanta Birds won, but I don't get what their problem is.
CHARGERS -7 1/2 (Dolphins)
Dolphins are not fish. They're mammals, and are intelligent; and have feelings. The Chargers are really needing a Feel Good game right now. Last week's win against K.C. was nothing to brag about. They need to demolish some one before they feel good about another uninspiring start. For Miami, things always get worse before they get better. Good luck with that.
WIN ~ 26-16; CHARGERS - This was still an un-impressive win.
PACKERS -13 (Broncos)
I don't think the Broncos have a chance Sunday....at anything. Don't you know horses are lactose intolerant? Break out the brats and brew; Lay the cheese.
WIN ~ 49-23; PACKERS - How did the Broncos score that many?
Patriots -4 (RAIDERS)
Bill Belichick will not get embarrassed two weeks in a row. Two out of three? You have a shot. Two in a row? No. The Stadium of Doctor (Al Davis) Moreau will be awfully quiet Sunday. Oakland's Black Hole will look like a back lot union break on an MGM Studio shooting a Halloween special.
WIN ~ 31-19; PATRIOTS - Happy Halloween!
SHMEAR of the WEEK: (0-3)
Falcons -4 1/2 (SEAHAWKS) LOSS!!!!
That's fifteen bagels; and the SHMEAR makes eighteen Bagels into the oven.
Happy Football Sunday everyone. Good Luck.
Week Four Record: 8-7-0
Overall Record: 29-26-3
SHMEAR of the WEEK: 0-4 !!!
BAGELS in the BASKET: -12
I'm getting hammered on my SHMEAR Picks!