Wednesday, May 25, 2011

N.Y. METS ~ Mets Validate Wilpon's Words In Chicago

From the desk of:  HEAD-BUTTING MR. MET

NEW YORK METS:  *sigh*

After Daddy Wilpon's Words Went Public, Mets Play Cubs From The Fetal Position.  Tonight's Game Was A New Low For The Franchise, Right After The Owner Set The New Franchise Low Only A Day Prior.

Yea! son of    ....that Baseball is a funny game isn't it?

Did you watch tonight's Mets game?  I'm sorry.  I did too.

And if you did, and weren't around to watch this team play in 1962, I have a feeling we all got a taste of what those days were like.  Back in '62, they played like this all the time.  These days, they just play like that occasionally.  Tonight, they played like that all night long.  So now on the heals of Fred Wilpon's sentiments becoming known to the public, he's made it impossible to view them as lovable losers (as if we ever did) ever. -  Not with the dollars dropped into this money pit.  These days, instead of rallying behind the Lovable Losers of yore, way before the days when The Saul B. Katz Dilemma regime took over, now we just have a Schmuck and a $h!tte team to laugh at.  Even though the situation with the Mets has gotten far from funny.

That second inning is the reason why heart-burn medication was invented. 

The seventh inning was the reason why I'm glad to be an American.  We have freedom of choice here.  Because if this was State Sponsored Television, I'd have drunk myself into a coma by now.  Thankfully, a TUMS tablet, the TV remote, and I was good to go.  God Bless the Troops!

The Mets?  They're a different story.

Think of them this way - Daddy Met scolded his Boys of Bummer in a manner never undertaken by him before.  It was a good old fashioned rip-job; albeit in an interview for print.  But if you're a man about things (pardon the usage Ladies), you take your constructive criticism in stride and move on.

Well, the Mets had a full 24 hours to move on, - to Chicago.  And after an off-day to contemplate their existence, it was time for Terry's Kids to respond.  Their on-field answer to Poppa Pon's scolding manifested itself in the second and seventh innings against the Cubs Tuesday night in what can only be described as a complete and utter regression by this team.  I'm talking infant; -  I'm talking Pampers!  This was back to 1962 with a pacifier in mouth and rattle in hand. That's as far back as this team can regress because there were no Mets before that, unless you're talking about the 1880's version of the N.Y. Metropolitans; a team by the way, I think can rise from the grave and take two out three from these Flushing Bisons.

In other words, the Mets' first game after learning about their owner's inner disgust was a complete fail just like their owner implied they were.  Almost immediately, the Amazin' Mess seemed willing to validate almost every sentiment their owner might have harbored regarding his team - especially the part when he called them $h!tty.  His Roosevelt Avenue Apathetics kept reinforcing THE PON's now infamous words all night long.

Three official errors among many made; various displays of ineptitude and Carlos Zambrano?  Pinch Hitter?  Two RBI?  Are you kidding me?  But the Cub pitcher turned pinch hitter was merely a skit in a bigger Side-Show with futility on tap throughout the course of this game. 

Instead of this game being played in The Friendly Confines of Wrigley, maybe the old Polo Grounds would have been more apropos for such a spectacle and magnitude of sh!tte the denizens of Chicago were privy to enjoy tonight.  The stench of a cheap Polo Ground cigar would have been more preferable also, just to make the setting for such a bad game more authentic.  Why not pollute all my senses while I'm at it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go suck my thumb while I express some Freudian aggression in my diaper and flip through pages of my 1962 yearbook.  But before I do.....

The Day Manager of METS-R-US; Lil Jeffery, Comes To The Employees' Rescue;  Like an Idiot!
Maybe Fred should take his disgust to the clubhouse and blow off some steam to his player's faces.  There's always the ol' buffet table stand-by.  It may not change anything at this point.  But it will give us all some more good stuff to talk about.  And what the hell, they deserve it for the money some of these players make.  It's about time they face a screaming boss in the face once in a while just like so many fans who pay stupid amounts of dollars do to sit in Citi Field seats.  But I said it yesterday; it's too late for that now.  Fred should have taken different approaches to his team years ago.

But let's just suppose for a second that Pop really does has a plan up his sleeve and that his comments are part of that.  Well, I got news for ya Fred.  You're son is an idiot.  Instead of leaving the team with something to think about along with plenty of food for thought, Lil Jeff rushed in like Boy Blunder and rubbed calamine lotion on the affected players asses like a Head-Nurse at a Poison Ivy M*A*S*H tent.

The Over-Lord of Mets-R-Us expressed displeasure with his business, and his Store Manager; Lil Jeffery at Mets-R-Us, went behind his Pop's back and apologized to the incompetent employees.  That's Ponderous!  Son of Pon should have stood behind his Pop and told the players "He's Right!  You Suck!"  PON the Younger strikes again.  If I was his mom I'd slap him for betraying his Father.

And this is just me speaking here, but I'm glad we played like a bunch of scrubs tonight.  As far as I'm concerned, that old addictive drug called Misguided Hope was making a comeback.  Let this game remind us all that no player currently on the roster is feasibly worth reconstructing a roster around..., again.  Yes, I'm talking about Reyes and Wright.  Beltran is a given.  It's time to go cold turkey.  I get it; they make you feel good.  But how many years are some of you fellow fans going to stay hooked on that narcotic?  C'mon, join me.  This window is closed.  Let go now.  They've officially become good players in a very bad time.  Stop chasing the dream of being CLOSE.  Understand that, and you can conquer the addiction. 

Any non-two year player on this team must be used so secure talent elsewhere.  This constant see-saw, and tease of quasi-consistent, and frustratingly talented players who repeatedly jerk our chain must finally be broken up.  This isn't Strat-o-Matic or Fantasy.  In MLB you have to give to get.

Form your lips and  please speak the Words with me- "Gut It".

There's wins; Good Wins; Bad Wins; and Lucky Wins.  And then there's losses; Some Good; But most losses are usually bad if you look at them as such.  Some losses are down right awful.  That makes tonight's game horrific.  Walter Matthau could have jammed a six-pack down everyone of his kid's throats and the Bad New Bears would still have made us look like....Well, why not use the owner's colorful descriptive again.  You know which one.

Did You Hear The One About...
Sports Illustrated is about to drop the latest piano out of the sky with a Mets logo on it.  The Mets' organization will lose an estimated $70 Million Dollars this season.  Remember, it always gets worse before it gets better.  Look out below.

If MR. MET had a voice, I'd envision him sounding like Mr. Hanky from South Park. 

Hi'dee-Ho Met Fans!


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