Tuesday, November 23, 2010

NYMets ~ Have Pink Slip, Will Hire

BTB HQ ~ ManCave ~ BKN

Jeff Wilpon added the final "TOOL" to his reorganized management BOX today with the announcement of Terry Collins as his latest unemployed reclamation project.  The Son of 'Pon, thinking busy hands are happy hands, decided Terry Collins could be rehabilitated into a contributing member of Met Bizarro-Society rather than chain-ganging on litter removal detail along the Mets' portion of Adopt-A-Highway along the Grand Central P'way. 

After rescuing Sandy Alderson from his pseudo MLB employment, exiled in the Dominican Republic while attempting to find the true source of Jose Canseco's youthful looking skin, Jeff Wilpon the Benevolent devoted himself to saving Paul DePodesta and J.P. Ricciardi from emptying waste paper baskets and waxing floors at the Astoria Blvd. Tanning Salon.  Gaining legal custody of all three nomads of Baseball, Jeff the Younger quickly re-educated his Motley Crew in the fine arts of High Profile Low Expectation Mid Level Executive Mismanagement.

Satisfied with his triad's inability to quickly learn on the fly, Lil Jeff, C.O.O of Mets-R-Us, went about setting his trap to snare the cagey China Dragon; Terry Collins.

Today's announcement Terry Collins has finally been fitted with an ear tag and made part of the family completes The Younger Wilpon's radical renovations to the House of 'Pon.

Rejoice Met fans!  Just think, Our possibilities are LIMITED!!!  WooHoo!

No (not) really...Think about it:
*Sandy Alderson practically ran the 'Roid Lab of Jose&McG from his basement.
*J.P. Ricciardi was shoveling Blue Jay money at players like Toronto snow...and got canned.  Did I say Toronto?
*Paul DePodesta in L.A. got canned while he was in the middle of an extensive interview process seeking a new manager; Talk about timing!...which by the way included the China Dragon himself; Terry Collins.
*Terry Collins, as manager of the Angels...Mutiny?  And he quit his Chinese gig?  He quit his job as manager of a Chinese team...; in China?  Baseball?  Him?  China?  Quit?  C'mon!

Yes my fellow METroNoNsensuals, all the pieces are in place now that COOJEFF (pronounced like Cujo but with a Jeff at the end!) has pounded all the round pegs into the square holes.

Two things still remain.  Find another inconspicuous gambling degenerate with less body mass to take clubhouse bets without getting caught this time..., and fill the coaching ranks with personnel who will tell Ollie Perez he is doing a good job; tell Luis Castillo he's being considered for an extension; and tell Carlos Beltran the fans really do like him.

....Then..., our Victory over the Nation's PONY Leagues will be COMPLETE!!!!!


But really folks, the days of Jeff Bashing are sadly coming to a close.  I'm going to miss those days.  Sandy Alderson is going to ruin all the fun.  I'm taking my ball and going home.  I don't feel like making fun of him anymore.

Consider this Last Call at the C.O.O Saloon.

Be honest now, for a second you thought to yourself, "Oh My!  What have we done?"

Special shout to http://twitter.com/@koosman3669 who caught everyone in a mid-November Mets yawn tonight on his "CB-Radio".


1 comment:

  1. Koosman36699:14 PM

    That's quite the rant there Mike, funny stuff. Thanks for the shout.


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