Friday, April 16, 2010


Picture if you will:

A "Simon" in Adidas Spikes, trans-fixed on a pig's head mounted on a stick ninety feet away that speaks to Simon while it grips him in an hallucinatory trance. 
"The Lord of the Flies" speaks to Simon of the Spikes,
"Come.  Come get the "Beast".  The Beast is here!"

Possessed to slay the Beast, Simon takes off!  With every step of a gaining, intensifying charge, the chemicals released by his inner biology dopes him closer to the mind of "Roger - the Animal" now.

Enraged and high from the chase, newRoger of the Spikes, springs and pounces like the wild cats of the savanna at a point eighty feet from the start of his hunt.  The prize lay ten feet ahead and Roger of the Adidas Spikes would savor his kill upon "Castle Rock".

The epidermis of the captured Beast was about to offer up its sweet taste of blood and the rewarding taste of conquering survival when just before glistening saliva waxed incisors made contact with prey... a startling realization snapped Roger of the Adidas Spikes out of his intoxicated Bacchic stupor;

He looked up and screamed to himself in disbelief, "Ay Caramba!!  There's grown-ups on this island and they're all laughing at me!"

Well, the Beast turned out to be Jose Reyes standing on second base looking on as one of the grown-ups, second base Umpire Ron Kulpa was calling Luis Castillo out for attempting to steal second base while it was occupied by Reyes.  Apparently Reyes didn't go on the front end of a double steal during Thursday night's game and Castillo never bothered to look up.

The next time you feel like your inner Roger the Animal wants to come out for some fun, take a second and think about what you're doing. And the next time you feel like you're getting rope-a-doped by your inner Simon, snap out of it before you find yourself with these expressions permanently etched on your face:

And the next time you find a pig's head on stick looking to make conversation you,
ignore it or pick up the third base coach.

Consider yourself slapped with a classic!



In a late developing METropoli-Gaffe:
On the upcoming series with the Cardinals,
Omar Minaya, GM of the Mets is reported to have said by SI.COM,
'If we go into St. Louis and take two out of three I'll be very happy. 
If we win one game, I'll take it.'

...and then I'm left to wonder why the Mets have been affording
Asst. GM John Ricco more room to roam.

These are comments by Minaya, GM of an organization,
whose owner declared as his mission statement more than once in the past,...

"I want to play meaningful games in September" - Fred Wilpon

My GM would be satisfied with one win in St. Louis this weekend.
My owner will like a meaningful game in September.

It's shooting kinda low if you ask me.  But one thing at a time Boyz.


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